LAW(jenyu)SCHOOL

"There is a tug and a hunger buried in our hearts, an unease that will never be satisfied until..."

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 23:01:30 +0000

“There is a tug and a hunger buried in our hearts, an unease that will never be satisfied until God’s purposes for us are fulfilled. It will stay there until our hearts find rest in the God who placed it there. The finding may be sudden or gradual, perhaps more likely in a series of clamberings or crises, until we are altogether committed to him.”

- John White, The Cost of Commitment

Would they call me "Christian"?

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 02:43:00 +0100

Only 3 weeks left at this internship.
Honestly, a lot of days have been me, tucked away in my corner cubicle, accomplishing not that much. And recently that question has been nagging at me: did they see Christ in me at all these past 7 weeks? A lot of them didn’t even have time to notice me, I feel. Then again, I didn’t really try to be noticed. (The introverted side of me, for those of you who don’t know I have one!)

I tremble as I pray for opportunities to share and to show.

I’m encouraged and inspired as God deigns to speak profound things to me:
“‘I have enough,’ said Esau; this is the best thing a worldly man can say, but Jacob replies, ‘I have all things,’ which is a note too high for carnal minds.”
-Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, Day 134

I have all things! Lord help me live like it.

Reading more

Wed, 30 May 2012 05:12:45 +0100

Always a goal of mine. And if I’m working so hard to read for academics, why am I not working equally hard to read for furthering my faith?

I recently picked up The Meaning of Marriage, by Timothy Keller. No, I’m not rushing to the altar or anything, but I do want to have a realistic and godly understanding of something that I do hope for in my future, however near or distant that may be. Besides, Christians seem to make a big hulabaloo about it anyway. And especially with the legal debate over gay marriage, doesn’t it make sense to see what marriage is really supposed to be anyway?

In any case, what I’ve read so far (just a few chapters) speaks more generally and powerfully to the Christian faith in general than I expected. The Jesus and marriage are so intertwined that you cannot talk about one without talking about the other. So much gold in these pages worth digging into and meditating on.

“…you are so lost and flawed, so sinful, that Jesus had to die for you, but you are also so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for you.”

Comfortable with being uncomfortable

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 02:24:00 +0100

I can hardly believe that my first year at law school is drawing to a close.

This place that I never dreamed to be in learning things I never thought I’d learn has grown strangely familiar. Strangers have become acquaintances and friends. New concepts have become knowledge (hopefully). And Camden has become, well, navigable.

I have also become comfortable in trusting God in more things than I have allowed myself to before. But the funny thing about walking with God is, once you become comfortable going at a certain pace or incline or resistance, He’ll change the settings. He forces you out of your comfort zone again cause, really, how else are you gonna grow?

Not that I think that’s the reason the heat in my building is off, leaving me to sleep under two blankets at night. But it certainly did get me thinking about discomfort. A lot of new things on the horizon, and with change always comes a bit of awkward adjustment. New convictions and challenges, new internship(!), and before I know it, a new year at law school.

I’m reminded of Apostle Paul’s wisdom: content in God means content in all situations. Being uncomfortable can be comfortable, I guess.

Thankful

Sun, 19 Feb 2012 03:52:51 +0000

Of all the things on this earth, I value my relationships most. They’re the best gifts that God constantly is giving me. Family, framily, friends, acquaintances, frenemies, and even you enemies out there - I’m so grateful I’ve met you all.

I was randomly thinking about the fact that I brush my teeth before I eat breakfast (since in the Korean drama, Full House, the characters brush after they eat), and I realized the only reason I do that is cause my dad made us switch when A and I were young. It’s these fingerprints in my life (big and small) that make me smile and appreciate the people that are placed in my life.

No matter where I am in the world, God has blessed with people who bless and inspiring and push me and challenge me in all the right ways. Even though I haven’t gotten the chance to keep in touch well with my friends from Ghana, they have played an integral part in making me who I am now. An irrevocable fingerprint. And now the people in law school are now becoming a part of me. And I hope God is using me to do the same to them too.

With the Lenten season coming up, I think it’s gonna be a good time to remember and refocus on what my focus and my purpose is here, and really see what God is doing through the people around me, and not just through cyberspace. I’m feeling called to a media fast? Kinda scared, but that might just be a reason to do it. It’ll definitely give me extra time to spend in other things and people!

Let me be clear...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 05:18:04 +0000

I don’t hate Jeremy Lin.
I just think it’s dangerous to love him so much.
No, I’m not saying that I love him, either.

Maybe I just never understood what it was about being a fan of a person. Yeah, I can think they’re great! But they’re just a person, human, like you and me. Maybe I need to understand a bit better, but I’m always a bit wary of raising people on pedestals. Always feels a bit idolatrous.

I’m really impressed with his skills and his faith, to be sure. But he’s using this time to point to someone greater. Shouldn’t we point too?
He’s witnessing to others what it means to live for someone greater. Shouldn’t we live too?
He’s telling his story. Shouldn’t we tell, not only his story, but ours too?

To be honest, I am having a hard time trying to point and live and tell. I’m working on it. And yes, Jeremy Lin has been a well-timed encouragement from God. But he isn’t God. If you haven’t had the chance yet, listen to his testimony on youtube. God is such a faithful God! He breaks us and He molds us into people who can truly live, and not be weighed down by the world.

A little verse to get me by

Sat, 28 Jan 2012 04:25:00 +0000

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire but you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

- Psalm 73:25-26

What would an ideal day include, for you?

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 06:16:50 +0000

Though unrealistic,
my ideal day would include
seeing all my friends.

"What am I doing here?"

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 06:10:27 +0000

Yeah, that moment happened this past week.

My return to school has been rather tempestuous. I think part of me wasn’t ready for break to be over. Then grades started coming back, and friends started getting interviews, and I started comparing. Thoughts of inadequacy and hopelessness started running through my head. The panel discussion about getting a 1L summer job just made matters worse. I was overwhelmed, falling into a pit of doubt and reaching out for something to slow my descent. I couldn’t imagine going through five more semesters of this, and then go through a career of this.

That’s when A called. My mind started clearing.

I return to my room, prepping to follow up with judges to whom I had sent applications. Nerves start creeping beneath my skin again, but by grace my mind had cleared enough to know what to do. Pray.

My perspective had become so self-centered. On what I need to do. On wanting people to accept me. On getting grades that would reflect my work. So quickly do I forget the grace that brought me here, that has sustained me. So quickly do I reject what God gives me, just because I don’t like where it is in the alphabet.

2 funny things. The first, despite my attempts to call someone to pray with me, no one out of the five people I called picked up. As I was about to call the sixth, something stopped me. Here I am trying to turn to God by turning to other people. So I cleared the name I had selected and bowed my head and prayed.

The second, it’s amazing how quickly I felt a change, both internally and externally. Internally, there was not only peace, but even joy. Joy that has persisted through each following day. Externally, when I called one of the judge’s chambers on my list, they happened to be reviewing my application right at that moment. They said they would call back next week to schedule an interview! Also, after I finished my phone calls, I checked my email, and another grade had come back; one that boosts my GPA to give me hope of keeping my scholarship!

Some people may say coincidence. I say I think not.

The da Hawaii Pidgin Bible

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 23:00:53 +0000

The da Hawaii Pidgin Bible:

Take a peek here of a Wycliffe translation of the Bible in I suppose you can call it an English dialect. My team leaders from my summer trip posted it on their blog.

Yeah, legit. I love languages.

what's important

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 03:59:23 +0000

remember the day
you and i took that exam?
yeah, didn’t think so.

When I should be studying

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:07:35 +0000

I can hardly believe how fast it has gone.
Yesterday was the last day of classes for my first semester of law school.
Just about 3 months ago I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
Just 4 months ago I was still in Ghana.
Just 7 months ago I was finishing undergrad.

I still think I have no idea what I’m getting myself into, but at least I’ve learned some law-type things along the way. Maybe when this is all over I’ll be a lawyer. Or maybe I’ll end up in California hanging out with Wongfu Productions. The uncertainty is always there and makes it always exciting. And I’m okay with that cause my identity isn’t in what I do.

Who knows what tomorrow brings? I surely don’t, but He does, and I know he’s doing something good so I am just gonna do what He gives me faithfully until He tells me to do something else. Not that that’s always clear. I feel like I’m getting mixed messages about where God wants me church-wise, but I met someone yesterday who gave me a brilliant (read: why didn’t i think of this before?) idea. Talk to the pastor.

So many adventures, so little time. Though they might look much different than my adventures in Ghana, they still keep me humble and in the right perspective.

Too much happened today

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 00:59:00 +0000

Before I start, a realization: I’ve become an a lot more emotional person. I never used to be. But I actually think that is evidence of God changing me, cause I use to try to force myself to cry or to feel sweeping emotions, but never could fake it.

I had another one of those epic church marathons today. 2 baptismal services and one thanksgiving one. With some time somewhere in the middle for lunch at McDonald’s.

While I didn’t get to see N’s baptism in person, knowing it happened and seeing M’s was just a great reminder of God’s goodness. I got to be a part of their lives. Got to watch them encounter Christ for the first time through God’s Word. It’s awesome when I legit can say I really just sat back and watched God do His thing through His own Word. M’s testimony almost got to me. Almost.

Going to church with P is just awesome. Answered prayer really. Never thought it would just happen like this one day, but that’s really what happened. Sharing together after service with S just made me really really really happy.

Then, after I got back to school, I got a phone call from Mom. A’s bf’s roommate passed away today. Senior year of undergraduate year. I called A and she told me he had just gotten his dream job. Today he just collapsed after running a half-marathon. And was gone. And that got to me. Here I was, crying over some guy I didn’t even know.

It throws life into perspective. We can work hard and try to get somewhere, but in the end it can really all go away like that. It feels dumb to stress over finals now. Not that I don’t value my learning in law school, but it goes back to what I was talking to P about earlier today. There’s really no point to anything without God, cause in the end, everything we do points us back to Him. The enjoyment we feel is a gift from Him; the brokenness we feel is a reminder to turn back to Him; the peace we feel is evidence that He is always near.

I facebooked the guy and it seems he touched lives with his life. RIP.

<edit> I remember now. I did meet him once. Good kid. Made me smile. </edit>

22

Thu, 10 Nov 2011 14:55:49 +0000

text convo between mother and me this morning:

mother: happy birthday and i love you
me: I love you mommy! And happy day for you too! 22 years ago, you worked very hard to bring me outta your tummy.
mother: It did take a lot effort [sic] to take you out i should tell you that story again

Fighting the hypothetical

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 06:04:00 +0100

In law school, I’ve learned to deal with lots of hypotheticals that a professor may throw out. Basically, they make up facts to illustrate a legal issue or concept to test our understanding. What often happens though, is somebody in class will try to address the issue as they think it should be framed by changing some of the facts aka “fighting the hypothetical.” But there is often a reason why the professor framed the issue the way they did. Usually it is to deepen our understanding of the law in the right ways versus our made up ways.

My main issue coming here was having to build up a fellowship community from scratch here. My web of connections apparently did not reach down to South Jersey/Philadelphia. I began searching for a campus or somewhat local (walking distance) fellowship. My research did not produce any fellowship on campus at all (InterVarsity, Cru, or otherwise). I threw my hands up basically in defeat. To me, I had made enough effort.

I was sitting in church a few weeks ago mulling over the issue still, when a thought crossed my mind. “Why don’t you start a fellowship on campus?” I shoved it away immediately, but it came back, poking me in the brain repeatedly. Then I saw it. God’s hypothetical. Except this was not hypothetical at all. This was real life. My life.

The facts were all laid out. Lack of fellowship in my life and as far as I saw, on campus as well. The definite need. My seeking. At least one or two other Christians. The answer was definitely a valid one in light of the facts. So in my mind I started planning. I’d just start with maybe a weekly prayer meeting with A, and see where God takes it. That actually was the first suggestion on the IV website on how to start a chapter on campus anyway, I found out. There wasn’t much else to do except lift it up to Him in prayer. And guess what happened?

The next morning Y approached me to ask me to pray and consider regularly meeting to fellowship.

This is no hypothetical. This is real life.

For you who are weary

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 00:13:23 +0100

I feel like I must have posted the Prayer of St. Francis before, but I can’t help but want to share it over and over again. I’ve talked to a lot of people recently who are serving in some capacity or other, and I know from experience how draining it can be. I find that this prayer is a good way to refuel, cause after all, we are finite, but He is infinite. When we pour out, we’ll run dry. But when we stay tapped into the infinite source, He just keeps filling us up.

—-

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

It's not what you know

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 05:19:00 +0100

I remember being really taken aback when someone told me I was good at networking. The wining and dining, the schmoozing and boozing has never been my scene. The concept of being forced to get to know people is completely foreign to me. But here in law school, it’s something that people keep emphasizing.

So naturally, I start to freak out.

My friends may say that I don’t really freak out ever. It’s because my freak outs are usually internal: the tightness of my chest, the racing of my mind looking for answers and solutions.

From my time in Ghana, I really felt like God was telling me to step back, to not put myself in overt leadership positions for at least a year. But of course, amidst my freak out, I decide to apply for a 1L Representative position in the Asian Pacific Law Student Association, completely challenging what I had thought was God’s direction.

I didn’t get the position.

I walk away, ego slightly bruised, but more reassured of what I need to do. I hear God saying, “Yeah, nice try.” Humbled again.

Around this time I thought back to when exactly it was that someone told me I was good at networking. Tony and Glorianne said that to me my sophomore year of undergrad, so I took a step back to look at undergrad as a whole. At the beginning, I only hung out with 3 people. It was through these few people that I started meeting different people. Come senior year, I felt like I knew an entire city. Then I realized, God knows me. He knows where I’m going. He knows who I need to know. I have nothing to be anxious about.

They say, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”
Well, I know Him.

Reflection #3: Transition

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 04:29:56 +0100

On the brink of a new month.

Almost 4 weeks out of Ghana and one and a half weeks into law school.

On a superficial level, the change was abrupt and drastic. From explicitly serving God in Ghanaian towns where I am very much a foreigner to explicitly chasing a law degree at a university in my home state, New Jersey. I have my own sink for crying out loud.

But on a deeper level, I have experienced incredible continuity. If you just skimmed the last part of Reflection #2, it would be evident to you that the two were incredibly intertwined. Now, though the physical experiences are diverging in time and space, my spiritual experiences have not fluctuated at all. I see glimpses of Ghana everywhere I go.

For example, I navigated the NJ bus system for the first time EVER a week and a half ago. If you recall from Update #1 or #2 the bus experience that I had in Ghana, just transplant that to Central/South Jersey, subtract the luggage, add some Spanish and you’ve pretty much got my experience as a first-timer on a NJ bus.

But that will be my next post :)

—-

Just a heads up: this blog will no longer be primarily for observations and reflections about Ghana, but the URL will stay the same. As a reminder to myself of where I’ve been physically and spiritually, so that I can move forward with continued clarity.

Reflection #2: The one I wrote in Ghana

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 14:35:39 +0100

I debated about sharing this online, but finally gave in. Happy reading! It’s kinda long xp

———————————————————————————————

Before I left the US for Ghana for a 7-week internship program with Ghana Institute for Linguistics, Literacy, and Bible Translation, I was given a verse at a retreat. I did not know the person and the person did not know me, but had been praying over the group I was a part of. The verse was Proverbs 16:8-9.
“Better is a little righteousness
than vast revenues without justice.
A man’s heart plans his way
but the LORD directs his steps.”

Little did they know that I, having just graduated from University, was very much trying to plan for my future. The planning was not getting anywhere except one thing – that I would be in Ghana for 7 weeks with the Discovery program. I hoped this trip would bring clarity, and that more concrete decisions and action could be made after I get back.

So that’s how I left my home.

And came to Ghana.

After a time of orientation at Accra and Tamale, it was time for Jenneka and I to head to our area assignment for our internship – Kete-Krachi. We thoughtfully planned out our snacks and our route, and mentally prepared to enter a more remote setting.

The journey started at 5 am when we left Tamale. It was then that we realized we had made a mistake in asking about the wrong bus the day before. So we called our project director and he confirmed our suspicions – we had needed to catch an earlier bus. So we rushed over to the bus stop to catch the next possible one. We made a bus that was just about to leave and ended up sleeping most of the way to our next stop. When we got off at the next stop, we were so tired and confused and disoriented that we ended up paying for our luggage twice. Then we rushed off to catch our next bus with the help of one of the locals. It turned out we didn’t have to rush, but it was fun watching them load the top of the bus with things like soda, yams, chickens, goats, and eventually people. They even were debating loading some motorcycles, but decided against it. The loading process took time, so we struck up conversation with a guy named Christian who was seated next to us. He happened to be heading to Kete-Krachi as well and even preemptively taught us some of the local language, since his mother was born there.

So the loading process took a lot of time, to a point where Christian commented that if we don’t move soon, we might miss our connection and would have to wait a day to catch the next one. At that, I turned to Jenneka and said, “Better start praying,” to which she responded matter-of-factly, “I have been.” Thankfully, the bus started moving just in time.

Having Christian there with us was like having a guardian angel. The confusion ebbed away, and when we made our next transfer, he led us to the right bus, found us seats together, and even paid for our luggage. I finally was relaxed enough to start taking in my surroundings, and midway on that last leg, I realized that the chirping that I heard was not coming from the roof where I thought they had loaded the chickens, and that the occasional brush against my leg was not my neighbor’s dress.

The driver navigated the roads with expertise and precision as the sky began to darken, and we landed neatly outside the office at around 6pm.

It was not the journey we had planned, but everything just seemed to work out just so, like all obstacles had been cleared for us to make it swiftly and safely.

On our first day at the office, we met the staff at the daily morning devotion. While at first they were only “uncle,” “brother,” or “sister” by name, we soon became family – albeit an unlikely one. But we were brought together for one cause, to see the Bible published in the Kaachi language to be used by the Kaachi people. When I think about the motley crew assembled at the office, I imagine they each have answered their fair share of the question: Why?

Uncle Amoaku, why do you make the 1 mile trip to the office every day, often walking and greeting, when you can sit comfortably in your home and let people come to you?
Uncle Moses, why do you spend time not only coming to the office, but travelling to other distant villages to promote literacy when you can rest your body at your home with wife and children to care for you?
Vincent, why do you come, taking time away from your other ministries which you lead and keeping you out of the society of your peers?
Owusu, why do you come if you know that the pay is not great, that it disappoints your father, and that it stalls your dream of continuing your education?
Uncle Mark, why do you stay in Kete-Krachi, even though you have moved your wife and kids 12 hours north to Tamale?
Oksana, why do you stay in a place where you are not fully comfortable and even plan to move to an even more uncomfortable situation?
There is no way these people planned this path for their lives with their own human capacities.

Another coworker and brother named who we call Akuru left his teaching job with a stable salary 9 years ago to start working at the office with no salary, and continued to work tirelessly for 3 years without one. Even now, with or without pay, he comes in every day, still somehow providing for his family of 5. His presence is such a blessing for so many people, especially those of us who have sat under his tutelage to learn the Kaachi language.

Still, I can see how people might think him crazy.

But that’s also exactly what my sister called me when I called home for the first time. “Everyone thought you were crazy,” she said, “but you kept saying God will provide. You didn’t apply for grad school, you didn’t apply for a job, and this happens.”

Before I left for Ghana, I did something that I never thought I would do. I applied for law school. The application had come in the mail in May, shortly after my graduation, with an unbelievable offer. They had removed all major obstacles to the application. They waived the application fee, waived the law school assessment test, and would waive the deposit to attend. A free application is just about impossible to turn down, and so even though I was not originally considering law, I applied.

And it was in that first phone call home that I found out I was accepted, even with a scholarship. What my sister said reminded me of my year-long prayer for God to show me his vision and for Him to speak and for Him to just provide, and also of the fact that this is an opportunity to witness to those who are watching my decision process. So it was in Ghana, just fully focused on God and His voice and no one else’s, where I finalized the plan to go to law school this August. So even though I came asking God the question, “Linguistics or science?” it seems His answer is “Law.”

After leaving my project site and returning to Tamale, I read these words from the prophet Jeremiah:
  “I know, O LORD, that the way of man is not in himself,
  that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.
  Correct me, O LORD, but in justice;
  not in your anger, lest you bring me to nothing.”

As of now, nothing could be clearer to me than my call to be at law school for this upcoming semester. What comes after that I really cannot determine or predict, but I want to choose to go forward and trust that it is God that accomplishes His will and not I and mine.

He is the God who brought Jenneka and I to Kete-Krachi, the God who brings unlikely people together for His cause, and the God who will bring me to where I’m meant to be.

Reflection #1: Unorganized

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 04:09:13 +0100

For some reason, I like packing and unpacking in our guestroom, and not my own room. Probably cause my own room is already so disheveled to handle even more dishevelment that packing and unpacking adds.

So here I am back again in the guestroom have been here some 50+ days before, except now I’m reversing the process. Well, one step at a time.

I love being home. God has really been good to me in terms of community. From Ghana to the US, the fellowship has not skipped a beat. Different people, different setting, but the same love. I could not ask for better brothers and sisters, in either location.

I also love it when something here flashes me back to some random memory of my time in Ghana. For example, driving myself everywhere, I observe the paved though sometimes bumpy roads and think of how it contrasts with the dusty moon-like roads we often traveled in Ghana and of all the adventures we had. Also, worshiping in church today and hearing a lone person start to clap in the middle of “Blessed be Your name” made me remember the incessant and rather complicated rhythms that were clapped in the congregations I visited this summer. I chuckle not in awkwardness or discomfort, but in amazement of just how drastically different ways God is praised.